Bloody Brilliant
by SlapUSilly
Summary: Voldemort casts a spell on Harry and Ron so they do his dirty work.
1. The Forgettin'

Bloody Brilliant

**Chapter Uno- The Forgettin'**

By SlapUSilly

   "Harry! Ron! RUN!" Hermione screamed. Voldemort shot a blast of purple light out of his wand at Harry and Ron. They were both thrown off their feet into the air. They fell with a thump onto the ground. Hermione screamed and ran back into Hogwarts.

   "Professor Dumbledore!" Hermione yelled. "Harry and Ron have been fried!" 

   Hermione and Dumbledore both ran out onto the Hogwarts grounds. Voldemort had vanished. Harry and Ron still both lay on the ground, unconscious. "What are we gonna do?" Hermione screamed.

   "Shut up," Dumbledore snapped. "I'm thinking."

   So they sat on the ground for five hours with Dumbledore thinking and Hermione crying. "I know!" Dumbledore finally said. "Let's take them to the hospital wing!"

   Ron and Harry woke up a month later. "Hi!" Madame Pomfrey said. "Glad you're awake!"

   "Who are you?" Ron said.

   "Yeah, lady. Leave us alone," Harry snapped. "The only person we serve is Voldemort."


	2. The Morons

Chapter Dos- The Morons

     "Harry! Ron!" Hermione screamed. "What's wrong with you?" Harry and Ron were walking around the school making fun of people and slapping them. Earlier when she had found out they had tried to set the Hufflepuff common room on fire she had made Prof. Dumbledore take 500 points away from Gryffindor. She hoped that would have made Harry and Ron stop acting like idiots, but it had only made them worse.

     "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease stop!" she begged to them.

     "Go away you ugly girl!" Ron yelled.

     That night Harry and Ron snuck out of the castle and met Voldemort in the Forbidden Forest. Voldemort gave each one of them a half-full flask of liquid.

     "Drink up," he sneered.

        KA-BOOM!

      Hogwarts was woken by a huge explosion the next morning. Dumbledore reported gravely, "The roof has been blown off the building.

      "By You-Know-Who?" Snape asked.

      "No, Dumbledore said, "something much, much worse."  


	3. Kitchen Wars

Chapter Tres- The Kitchen Wars

     "AAAAAAAH!" students screamed and ran in all directions as the giant Harry and Ron thundered around the Hogwarts grounds, insulting everyone they saw. They headed for Hagrid's cabin with their new dog, Fang (Fang he been turned evil and enlarged by Voldemort too).

    "Come out, little man!" Ron roared at Hagrid. "Or we'll make you come out!"

   Hagrid came running out the front door, yelling like the wild man that he was.

   "I'M HAGRID, RON! DON'T YEH REMEMBER ME?!" Hagrid howled. Ron screamed and tried to squish Hagrid. "Harry, help me!" he yelled.

   While Harry and Ron were trying to trample Hagrid, Hermione had snuck down to the kitchens to round up house elves for this battle. She didn't think they'd be much of a help, but she had decided to try anyway. She opened up the kitchen door and started yelling to the elves to come with her, but her voice faltered when she saw the scene ahead of her.

   Elves were running around, drinking butterbeer and getting into fights. One elf tried to slap Hermione, but it passed out before it could.

   "What's going on?" Hermione asked Dobby, who came staggering up to her.

   "Theelvesaregoingonstrike," Dobby said in a slurred voice. "WeisallwantingtogetpaidbutDumbledoreisn'trichenoughsoweisdrinkinglotsofbutterbeersowecan'twork."

   "But I thought that most elves didn't like to get paid," Hermione said.

   "OhtheyiswantingtogetpaidoncetheyseesDobby'snewFerrari," Dobby said. 

   "YOU BOUGHT A CAR?" Hermione screamed. It took a moment for her to calm down. "All right, Dobby. I need you elves' help. I need you to go outside and take down Harry and Ron. Just don't hurt them," she added hastily. At once she knew it wouldn't work. The elves wouldn't go attack Harry and Ron. But the elves didn't even seem to hear.

   "Allrightmiss," Dobby said. "HarryandRonisgoingDOWN!"

  So Hermione led the pack of pathetic elves out of the kitchen.      


End file.
